Students protest nothing


Welcome back, everyone! In honor of our school’s swift and safe return to in-person learning*, I’d like to personally thank the fearless community members who attended last week’s rally to open the school.
Our brave little soldiers unnecessarily subjected themselves to hours of scorching Arizona heat, protesting a logistical decision made by the school board just hours before. This exercise in fruitlessness wasn’t all for not, though— this display garnered plenty of media attention. Hell, even acclaimed, Pulitzer prize winning ABC Family picked up this hot story.
With all the press, however, many of the protestors experienced online backlash for their willingness to stand up for what’s right. I was taken aback by the amount of vitriol being hurled towards our fellow Cactus Shadows Falcons. Peers of mine mindlessly spewing ignorance, saying that those protesting the teacher’s strike could be… wrong? That’s simply ridiculous. The world revolves around me. And despite my teacher’s increased risk for infection, I miss mindlessly scrolling through Twitter under my desk, so I’ll see you all in third period.
One protester has been particularly torn to shreds for donning a sign stating “student lives matter.” In this political climate, many claimed it was “ignorant” and even “irresponsible” to hijack such a culturally significant phrase and use it for something so trivial but, these so called “critics” seem to have forgotten the students’ prejudice-ridden past. I haven’t.
I remember the years of subjugation, repression, and mistreatment of students. I fear for my life when I walk down the street, hoping, praying, I don’t get recognized by the Jansport logo on my backpack. “A student,” they would whisper, bracing themselves as I reveal my composition notebook. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. How could we forget the Great Student Genocide of 1967? Countless students, slaughtered, just for taking a chemistry class. Student lives matter, and I’m sick and tired of society treating it as if they don’t.
Okay, okay, that’s enough. This bit has gone on way too long. But to their credit the protest did do something. My fellow students’ truly inspiring display of civil liberty has thusly inspired me to use my own freedom to make fun of them, so here we are. Sure, it’s petty, but at least I don’t have a sunburn.

*Discounting the many students already forced to quarantine.